"Doorway" Music Video Shoot

Originally shared Feb. 14, 2023 on Patreon.

Welcome to the behind-the-scenes chaos that is the "Doorway" music video shoot. 🥸

The first weekend of February, my partner and I drove down to Calgary to smash out the rest of this crazy shoot. We arrived late Friday night and then put in two 14h+ days before heading home Sunday night. It was a LOT of work, but also a relief to get the shots in the bag. Sometimes you just have to make shit happen and get it done, and I'm just so grateful I was working with the unstoppable Peter Kominek on this project. (He made the "My Wom" music video and filmed “About Moving On” as well as “On My Mind”).

The concept for this video is a vintage space-western with all of the classic tropes.

There’s a Bonnie and Clyde-esque love story; a poker game that turns deadly; and some seriously elaborate costuming and makeup.

I'm really proud of the work our small crew put into this shoot. I styled the costumes and did my own makeup and hair (yeay, wigs!) – except for the creation and application of the snake skin and prosthetics, which was done by Peter. Endless thanks to my rockstar mom, Chris, for championing the space cowgirl jumpsuit and accessories and helping me problem-solve when I hit roadblocks. 🙏❤️

When I got home from this shoot, I sunk pretty deeply into burnout. I had no motivation, felt helpless, was spiralling mentally, and struggling to see the path forward toward my next projects and tasks. I felt so, so tired and cried a lot and stayed in bed a lot and googled "symptoms of burnout" for extra validation even though I already knew the truth.

I've noticed this is a pattern for me. When it's time to get shit done, I can push and push and push through big projects. Sometimes things just need to happen! The problem is after the push, when I then think that it's reasonable to expect myself to just keep on going… which it isn't.

I’m feeling much better now! I was able to take some time to recharge and rest and I'm once again feeling optimistic, capable and purposeful. Rest is key. I know this, but have I fully believed it for myself yet? I’m reflecting on that a lot.

I will wrap this up with one last stream of thought...

It’s easy to lose hope and become cynical when you look at what’s happening in our world.

It takes courage to be silly and have fun and create despite it all.

To choose joy is to choose love.

Do what you love.